Picture this: Your friends invite you to go out with them this weekend, likely involving loud music, crowded places, and alcohol.
As a person with chronic fatigue syndrome (CFS) or any other health condition that causes low energy, you know that even if you have fun at the time, you will pay for it for the next day or two (or even more).
On top of the potential hangover—both social and alcohol—you will probably feel mentally and physically exhausted, have a foggy brain, feel achy, and you might even trigger sinus issues or other chronic conditions that flare up when you overdo it.
But on the other hand, you don’t want to miss out on the fun. You know everyone will be talking about what a great time they had afterward, and social media will be flooded with all the pictures of their good times.
They might even text you saying, “You missed a great time!” “You should have been there!” Just rub a little salt in the wound, why don’t you?
FOMO can be pretty wicked when you have an autoimmune condition.
It’s not simply a matter of wanting to do ALL the things. You’re having trouble merely doing the things that you really want to do, much less everything that comes your way. That can be depressing.
After all, humans are social creatures, and even if you are a hardcore introvert like myself, you still need a certain dose of social time for your mental health.
So, how can you still have a fulfilling social life when chronic fatigue makes you too tired to keep up with your friends?
Managing Your Social Life with Chronic Fatigue
The first thing you need to know when trying to maintain a social life when you have chronic fatigue is that you will need to do things differently than those around you. And that’s okay.
Here are some tips that have helped me strike a balance between socializing and practicing proper self-care for chronic fatigue:
1. Talk to Your Loved Ones About Chronic Fatigue
If you feel comfortable talking about chronic fatigue with your friends and family, let them in on your experience and how it impacts the way you socialize. This can help clear up any misconceptions about why you’re not always able to join them.
People who don’t understand what chronic fatigue is may think they’re being helpful by telling you to “just take a nap” or “have a coffee” so you can meet up with everyone later. They simply don’t understand it’s not as easy as getting a little more shut-eye or downing some caffeine.
2. Schedule Downtime Before and After Social Outings
Avoid scheduling back-to-back activities. This can be tough when you’re on vacation, though, especially if you’re traveling with other people. While you may be worried about missing out on seeing certain attractions while you’re away, you also know the risk of crashing if you try to do too much.
Instead, select the activities you most want to do on your trip. Ask your travel mates if they would be willing to schedule those activities on separate days so you can participate in each of them—or at least schedule a few hours between those activities.
Join them for your top-choice activities, and let them go off on their own to do the rest while you relax in your hotel room or read a book by the pool.
Also, if it’s possible, you may be better off having your own room rather than sharing (unless you’re traveling with your partner or children, of course).
I don’t know about you, but being around people 24/7 is completely draining for me, no matter how much I love them. That relates to my introverted nature, but I imagine plenty of people out there with chronic fatigue may also feel the same.
3. Limit Weekends to One Social Activity
And on the topic of not scheduling activities back to back, it’s also beneficial to avoid planning social events on consecutive days. This is a huge one for me!
If you have the energy to attend an event on the weekends, choose either Saturday or Sunday rather than both days. Again, pick the outing you enjoy most and skip the others.
I avoid scheduling more than one event on the weekends unless there’s absolutely no way around it. I need to have one free day to take care of chores around the house, meal prep for the week, and rest in between.
4. Try a Social Media Detox
If you feel bad seeing everyone else’s social media posts highlighting their oh-so-busy social calendars, try avoiding social media entirely when you feel too tired to go out. There’s no need to concern yourself with what anyone else is doing.
Focus on nurturing your well-being by engaging in restful activities when your energy is low. Think about what you enjoy doing that doesn’t require much energy expenditure. For me, that can be watching funny movies or shows, napping, reading a book, or watching an inspirational YouTube video. If you’re looking for suggestions, you can never go wrong with a Mel Robbins video! 😀
What it really comes down to is carefully curating your social life to avoid overwhelm and exhaustion.
There’s no need to do everything or accept every invitation that comes your way. Of course, there will be those obligations that you may not necessarily look forward to, although you know you should (or must) attend. But for the most part, try to weed out the activities that don’t light you up and save your energy for the ones that do.
